Be graceful with the intelligence God has given you
be swift with wisdom
and understanding with the passion all bestowed upon your heart
let the path guide you
as you stumble and are weak
let the calling lift you up
let your passion illuminate your joy
let the flame grow in the wind
for a candle can set fire to a field and can only grow with the wind of opposition.
those who have opposed you cause you more growth than those who watch as a passion consumes a heart.
I swam out to the ocean
with you by my side
Getting deeper and deeperI did not recognize
you had pulled me back
back to the shallows
I cannot sleep and need someone to talk to. (4:22am March 26th, 2018)
the past 3 months have twisted me so bad, moving challenges, losing family, lost my family dog… But that’s not all.
My mom has stage 4 Breast Cancer and is coming up on 5 years of battling. She told me yesterday, my dad has been diagnosed with Heart Disease and is not doing to well. He had an acute infection that was treated with steroids and caused a cascade of problems including blindness. As the conversation continues, my mom says “I am not sure if I can battle any longer, I am tired, and feel life slipping through my palms.”
I cannot lose anything more, for so much has already changed and been lost.
Please excuse my lack of posts, while I battle this battle. If you believe in God, or positive vibes, or just thoughts, please keep my family and my self with you.
Sometimes life happens…
People get older…
People pass away…
And we cannot do anything about it…
All we can do is watch it unfold
In front of our delicate eyes.
Watching the strength of family collapse around us.
I get lost in the soot of what has fallen
causing a struggle that has left me gasping for air.
Unable to catch my breath from this constant fast pace change
I have found myself sitting here…
Holding onto what I find dear…
As I let the soot rob my oxygen filled lungs
All my passions and motivations have escaped
my mind with the fleeting oxygen.
Watching everything change
Just as fall changes the leaves of the trees
Winter comes and freezes what we think is gone.
As the frozen ground cracks beneath my feet.
I gaze into the empty forest
Covered in snow and ice.
Looking at the skeleton structure of life.
Tints of blue and fallen trees
Fill my eyes.
As the tears start to fall
All I can hope for is a break in the silence.
I am waiting for spring
In hopes that spring will show me what is new
And will bloom some ease amidst the pain
She was putting stars in my soul
With her tender words
My mind could not withhold
All the emotion I had felt…
How are you able to survive the life you have been given
When your heart hangs from a string.
Tangled around your feet you stumble.
But you seem so very humble.
What has caused the passion for the pain around you?
Let me fill that dark void with the stars from my sky.
Maybe the light will guide you and illuminate
the hanging arteries in your chest.
This is where you heart lie,
And here is the piece of you I find.
The sayings that slip my lips are released with minimal formulation, tossing me into a whirlwind of confussion and frustration.
As I said a phrase I did not understand the power it had held till hours later.
My words are not simply words that affect me. But they are words that formulate conclusions upon my head by others around.
I always ran when conclusion about who I am had become relevant. But what I didn’t recognize was the conclusion of my personality, designed by my words placed into someone else’s mind.
A mind with more clarity and substance than that of a fog ridden intolerable mess. What seems clear to me and makes sense in my mind. Is utter chaos in the one I have drug down with me?