I swam out to the ocean with you by my side Getting deeper and deeperI did not recognize you had pulled me back back to the shallows
I cannot sleep and need someone to talk to. (4:22am March 26th, 2018)
the past 3 months have twisted me so bad, moving challenges, losing family, lost my family dog… But that’s not all.
My mom has stage 4 Breast Cancer and is coming up on 5 years of battling. She told me yesterday, my dad has been diagnosed with Heart Disease and is not doing to well. He had an acute infection that was treated with steroids and caused a cascade of problems including blindness. As the conversation continues, my mom says “I am not sure if I can battle any longer, I am tired, and feel life slipping through my palms.”
I cannot lose anything more, for so much has already changed and been lost.
Please excuse my lack of posts, while I battle this battle. If you believe in God, or positive vibes, or just thoughts, please keep my family and my self with you.
Sometimes life happens… People get older… People pass away… And we cannot do anything about it… All we can do is watch it unfold In front of our delicate eyes. Watching the strength of family collapse around us. I get lost in the soot of what has fallen causing a struggle that has left me gasping for air. Unable to catch my breath from this constant fast pace change I have found myself sitting here… Holding onto what I find dear… As I let the soot rob my oxygen filled lungs All my passions and motivations have escaped my mind with the fleeting oxygen. Watching everything change Just as fall changes the leaves of the trees Winter comes and freezes what we think is gone. As the frozen ground cracks beneath my feet. I gaze into the empty forest Covered in snow and ice. Looking at the skeleton structure of life. Tints of blue and fallen trees Fill my eyes. As the tears start to fall All I can hope for is a break in the silence. I am waiting for spring In hopes that spring will show me what is new And will bloom some ease amidst the pain
The clicking sound my watch is making
Is driving me crazy.
My hands are shaking
And my vision is hazy
This clicking is causing painful anxiety
When will it all end
I cant help but think about my sobriety
Why did I stop drinking and decide it needed to end
I can feel to much
Falling to fast