2143hrs; 8.4657° N, 13.2317° W
Laying on top of a white Land Rover Defender, beneath natures canvas.
This is what has struck my passion for travel and discovery. In this moment I recognize home is not state side. Home to me, is a word that has little to no meaning. My family will always be with me in my heart and soul, but my body will never have a continuous place to lay. For I enjoy exploring and not knowing what is around the corner.
This incredible night is a night I will never forget. Feeling the cool breeze drift across the ocean, and the heat trying to escape the city. It was an interesting feeling when the air clashed above my restless chest. Watching the stars perform a well thought out dance, you could smell a nearby fire in one of the small villages outside the city.
The emotion, smell, sight, and memory will fade but never be forgotten. This memory is what sparked my curiosity. My curiosity for what lies around the next corner, my curiosity for languages I do not understand, cities I do not know and food I probably should not even test my life with. But this all drives me to understand. . .
Getting over you. . .
I sit amongst some of the strongest people in gorgeous sceneries. Realizations strike my mind out of no where. Tears form in my eyes but never fall down my cheek. Instead they sit on the cusp of my eye lid. As I shut my eyes, my eyelashes absorb what cannot come out, blurring my vision from what I need to see. Yet the tears never fall. . .
Why am I crying? I am not physically hurting, I am not thinking of you. But then again my mind tends to think of you when I deny the thought of wanting to think about you. My subconscious controls my thoughts, body, and heart. Just as when you’re mad and driving home from work. You are so use to the route from work to home, that your mind is thinking about your anger and frustration. But your body is driving you home. Once home you realize that you never remember anything about the drive.
But I am not crying because of you… Kind of…
I am crying because you took barbwire and wrapped my heart so tightly
that it constricted who I was, who I am, and who I was becoming. You tried killing the good qualities I had, that you didn’t like. For example my heart for family and people. You never admired it, but you knew it took precedence over you at times. I aloud you to wrap that barbwire so tightly around my heart that now it hurts to breath or become passionate about something. Because my heart cannot pump an adequate amount of blood to my extremities to perform the heartfelt qualities I fell in love with years ago.
These tears are not from pain, anger, or thoughts, they are tears of relief. Because slowly that barbed wire is falling off and my heart is becoming stronger. Never have I had tears like this. All I know is I am healing now.