Sleep well

Ill stay awake so you can rest

I’ll listen so you can sleep well

 

as the thought of your words marinate in my mind

 

I’ll toss and turn in bed

till I can formulate a solid conclusion of what was said

sunrise birds cry

these words still toss inside

 

—-Sleep well tonight—-

Guide

Be Swift Darling

Be graceful with the intelligence God has given you

be swift with wisdom

and understanding with the passion all bestowed upon your heart

let the path guide you

as you stumble and are weak

let the calling lift you up

let your passion illuminate your joy

let the flame grow in the wind

for a candle can set fire to a field and can only grow with the wind of opposition.

those who have opposed you cause you more growth than those who watch as a passion consumes a heart.

Shallows

I swam out to the ocean 
with you by my side
Getting deeper and deeperI did not recognize

you had pulled me back 
back to the shallows

Cupid – VIDEO

vent/poem

I cannot sleep and need someone to talk to. (4:22am  March 26th, 2018)

the past 3 months have twisted me so bad, moving challenges, losing family, lost my family dog… But that’s not all.

My mom has stage 4 Breast Cancer and is coming up on 5 years of battling. She told me yesterday, my dad has been diagnosed with Heart Disease and is not doing to well. He had an acute infection that was treated with steroids and caused a cascade of problems including blindness. As the conversation continues, my mom says “I am not sure if I can battle any longer, I am tired, and feel life slipping through my palms.”

I broke.

I cannot lose anything more, for so much has already changed and been lost.

Please excuse my lack of posts, while I battle this battle. If you believe in God, or positive vibes, or just thoughts, please keep my family and my self with you.

 

Sometimes life happens…

People get older…

People pass away…

And we cannot do anything about it…

All we can do is watch it unfold

In front of our delicate eyes.




Watching the strength of family collapse around us.

I get lost in the soot of what has fallen

causing a struggle that has left me gasping for air.

Unable to catch my breath from this constant fast pace change

I have found myself sitting here…

Holding onto what I find dear…

As I let the soot rob my oxygen filled lungs

All my passions and motivations have escaped

my mind with the fleeting oxygen.




Watching everything change

Just as fall changes the leaves of the trees

Winter comes and freezes what we think is gone.

As the frozen ground cracks beneath my feet.

I gaze into the empty forest

Covered in snow and ice.

Looking at the skeleton structure of life.

Tints of blue and fallen trees

Fill my eyes.

As the tears start to fall

All I can hope for is a break in the silence.




I am waiting for spring

In hopes that spring will show me what is new

And will bloom some ease amidst the pain

RAGE•

calm•raging•silent•frozen

lake

I was the water

Calm

Raging

Silent

Frozen

As you walked on this shelf of ice

Below was a depth you would not feel

And a current that could heal

But you did not know

You where walking upon a frozen lake

Note

You’re more than music.

People tell you there is no more empathy to sympathy

There is no symphony playing your life

Because you are now the epitome of the pinnacle of a crescendo

You are so used to hearing the same score from the symphony

you think

they are not playing for your life any more

You have just become frozen in time

At the apathy of life

You are not an effigy

or anything less you see

It hurts me to think that you don’t view what I view

You don’t see what I see

xxx xxx’x xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xxx xxx xx xx.

-The Sincerest

 

In Debt

With the amount of broken hearts, I have had

I am surprised there is still more to give

Even when I feel there is nothing left at all

I give this piece to you, please do not break it

Because every piece I give is one less piece I have

I am not sure how much more I have left to give

Plexi

sliver in your mind

eraseme

. . . All the cracks in your mind 
led to this place. 

I could never see more than the faint 
outline of swaying trees

behind this plexiglass sliver 
in your mind. . .  

                      - The Sincerest

 

► Exi§tenti▲l

Tangled you stumble

How are you able to survive the life you have been given

When your heart hangs from a string.

Tangled around your feet you stumble.

But you seem so very humble.

What has caused the passion for the pain around you?

Let me fill that dark void with the stars from my sky.

Maybe the light will guide you and illuminate 
the hanging arteries in your chest.

This is where you heart lie,

And here is the piece of you I find.

HIM AND HER

He loved, she loved what she never had.

Let me tell you a story.

Paint your own picture as you will

view this story as you see fit.

I just hope this makes someone feel.

header

(Him) It is not simply enough for you to be there for me, I need you to love me too.

(Her) …

(Him) You’re used to running so much that once something is right in front of you, you don’t notice it. because you think it is going to hurt you like everything else has in life. You do not let enough time pass with something new to know if it will or if it will not. It is not simply getting into a relationship with someone and then leaving because you think things are not working or are not going to be how you imagined. How do you know they will not be the way you have imagined? The possibility does not even exist when you give up on something so soon.

(Her) …

(Him) All my life I have been the one to pour out everything into relationships showing my utmost loyalty and respect, trying to be what I can be and do what I can do to keep the one I admire in my life. But in the end, someone always walks away. And I always have the same question of why. Why is that the ones we love and want to be with end up leaving, and never coming back around? All I ask is that you stay, and we can both work through this and be each other’s strength. A strength I Have not experienced. I have always been afraid to say this or say what is on my mind. But then I met you, no fear in my mind or heart about you. So, I have built this courage to say what I have always wanted to say to someone, maybe it is not courage. maybe it is the fact that you are the person I am to be with, and me saying all of this finally makes sense. Because if I would have said this to someone else I would not have met you, I would have never found this courage to speak my hearts mind.

 

*Girl runs back to him hugging him, she is crying and he is in shock that it worked. *

*Girl lets go of him, looks into his eyes, and turns around to walk away. *

*He stands frozen in time, not able to grab for her hand as she walks away. *

(him) All I wanted to do was to grab her hand and not let her go, but as soon as she turned her back she took my courage with her.

(her) He was broken and hurt, understanding and respectful, but I could never bring myself to introduce him into the hell I live in, he does not deserve that. And I would never want to hurt him years down the road.

(Someone else) But he was willing to understand and wanting to understand you, he was the first person that listened to you and cared for the smallest aspects of your life.

(her) yes

(someone else) so you just left when you felt your heart beat for him, knowing he was everything you wanted

(her) *thoughtful look, as she carries on with her hobby that he had supported.  *

Tall Tales

Darling,  

You did what I warned you of 

You buried yourself in my mind 

You spread your ashes over my heart 

 

You think this has caused you to be erased in my mind 

Little untold I will now think of why you did this 

For hundreds of hours on end 

You will consume my mind 

In wonderment of this self-destruction 

You promised would not arise 

 

 

You did as those you had hated in my past.

Weight

weight

I am so perplexed by this emotion that fills me
I have no outlet to express it
  

I am so paralyzed by the feelings 

that flood my mind 
but no room to show it 
  

I am so dazed by everything around me 
there is no room for anything else 
  

cluttered heart 
cluttered mind  
  

at one point in time 
I had peace of mind 
  
I was free to fly 
but the weight of my heart keeps me grounded 
  

As the black veil in my mind 
I choose to hide 

what I have always seen 

3 years and counting  

this story has not changed 
  

Ridden with a depth 
that always tunnels deeper 

my mind is consumed 
  

no room....  

  

  

 

Sober

The clicking sound my watch is making

Is driving me crazy.

My hands are shaking

And my vision is hazy

This clicking is causing painful anxiety

When will it all end

I cant help but think about my sobriety

Why did I stop drinking and decide it needed to end

I can feel to much

Falling to fast

_MG_1379